Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving, once again, that you can't have your kayak and heat it too

1) If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
2) A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
3) Experience is something that you don't get until just after you need it.
4) For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
6) No one is listening until you make a mistake.
7) Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
8) To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
11) The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have for catching up.
12) A clear consciense is usually the sign of a bad memory.
13) It is much easier to apologize than to ask permission.
14) There are two rules for ultimate success in life. Never tell everything you know.
15) Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid doing altogether.
16) The trouble with being in the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.
19) It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
21) If you can remain calm, you just don't have all the facts.
25) The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.
26) To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
29) If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
33) Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
34) Money can't buy love But it CAN rent a very close imitation.
35) Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
41) Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
44) Hard work pays off in the future, Laziness pays off now.
48) 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
49) 427.23 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
50) A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
51) Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
55) Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse?
56) I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
57) Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
58) Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
61) You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
64) Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
65) Always remember that you are unique, just like everyone else.
68) I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
69) Do unto others, then run .............